In the realm of calamities, when myriad factors converge with remarkable precision to amplify adversity, we often refer to it as a “perfect storm.” This phrase has permeated everyday discourse; just days ago, the dearth of social housing in England was attributed to a perfect storm of circumstances, while the United States is bracing itself for an impending perfect storm of electoral turmoil. Even the cosmos has recently experienced a perfect storm of solar activity. This popular terminology traces its roots back to a 2000 film featuring George Clooney navigating a hurricane.
However, I propose an intriguing alternative. Henceforth, let us replace “perfect storm” with “Daddio.” This is a genuine election Daddio! Indeed, social housing in this country has become remarkably Daddioed. And did you catch the sun Daddioing the other day?
The impetus for this suggestion stems from an incident on a recent Qantas flight that compelled every passenger to endure a screening of Daddio, a film replete with explicit content.
You may already be familiar with the tale, but for those who aren’t, here’s a brief synopsis. During flight QF59 from Sydney to Tokyo, a technical malfunction hindered passengers from selecting their individual movies from the in-flight catalog. However, this glitch inadvertently allowed all seats to simultaneously view the same film. According to Qantas, staff polled passengers on their preferred choice, and the result was a unanimous selection of Daddio, a fresh drama featuring Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn.
Yet, Daddio contains rather risqué scenes, rendering it unsuitable for a diverse audience. Unfortunately, the fault meant the screens could neither be paused nor dimmed, nor could they be turned off. To compound the issue, passengers were unable to escape the explicit scenes simply by removing their headphones, as the dialogue consisted entirely of suggestive sexting. Lines such as “Help me cum” and “Cock so hard” were followed by, yes, a photographic display of male genitalia. Eventually, Qantas intervened and replaced the film with a children’s feature, but clearly, the entire affair was a Daddio of epic proportions.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that mistakes can occur. The Daddio incident evokes memories of a time when our science teacher mistakenly screened a VHS of the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme film Timecop at the conclusion of Year 9, only to hurriedly switch it off, blushing crimson, during a scene featuring a fully naked woman writhing on a satin bed. So, this type of blunder does have its precedents.
Yet, one must ponder: why Daddio? The Qantas entertainment menu boasts a plethora of blockbuster options, including Inside Out 2, The Fall Guy, A Quiet Place: Day One, and Bad Boys: Ride or Die. These are all mainstream films with broad appeal. Nevertheless, the passengers collectively opted for Daddio.
In reality, despite its explicitness, the headlines surrounding the Daddio incident may have been somewhat misleading. While the film’s content is undeniably inappropriate, with its prominent displays of nudity, it is, for the most part, exceedingly dull. The entire narrative unfolds within a taxi traversing the route between an airport and a city, primarily showcasing an extended dialogue between Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn. There are countless pauses and heavy glances. It might serve as an interesting exploration and is commendable if sought out intentionally.
However, this is a film that an entire aircraft’s worth of passengers seemingly chose. Hundreds of individuals, when prompted on how they wished to occupy a tedious nine-hour flight, apparently gravitated towards a contemplative, dialogue-centric experience rather than something entertaining like The Fall Guy. Who are these people? What bizarre psychology compels a majority of travelers to decide that, to quiet the unsettling thought that air travel is a violation of divine intention, and that only a flimsy sheet of metal separates them from a potential catastrophe, they should watch one hour and forty-one minutes of Dakota Johnson somberly staring out of a car window?
It defies logic. It’s profoundly unsettling, and I find myself restless until I unearth concrete answers. Forget the explicit content; this choice was the true Daddio.
